The truth about gratitude
Have you heard of the saying “Give, and expect nothing in return”?
I have always thought that it was ideal, but not humanely possible. We always expect gratitude and credits that we deserve, and rightly so. I don’t think it’s bad to expect a ‘thank you’ as a bare minimum. Until last week, it hit me..
The human race is unappreciative. We like to take things for granted. Most often, we stay blind and never thank those who deserve our gratitude. And sometimes, when we open our eyes, it is too late. We have several examples in history that support this argument, and I’ll come to one of this in a moment.
Mistreated heroes: Nassim Nicholas Taleb, a scholar and the author of The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable says that there are many mistreated heroes in history - because we do not know them to be heroes. They saved our lives and helped us avoid disasters. But that’s precisely the point, isn’t it? We wouldn’t know them because we wouldn’t know of disasters avoided.
Imagine that our world was at the brink of war. One person down the line of authority decided not to give orders on impulse and act in the best interests of the future generation. Because of them, the war didn’t happen. The war that could have cost thousands of lives was avoided because someone was brave. But because they helped in avoiding the disaster, there is no way for others to know their bravery.
In his book, Nassim Taleb says:
Everybody knows that you need more prevention than treatment, but few reward acts of prevention. We glorify those who left their names in history books at the expense of those contributors about whom our books are silent. We humans are not just a superficial race; we are a very unfair one.
These unsung heroes on earth; we will never know them because they work tirelessly behind the curtains, and succeed in what they do.
Now for the story, I want to take you to Vienna General Hospital, in 1846. This story is about a man who was ridiculed for making a life-changing discovery.
In one of the maternity wards in the hospital, 1 in 10 mothers giving birth were dying due to puerperal fever. No one knew the reason for so many deaths. The doctors were perplexed. This became a huge problem because it happened only in this particular maternity ward and it was causing a bad reputation to the hospital.
Ignaz Semmelweis, a physician at this hospital was determined to find the reason behind this mystery.
In 1847, Semmelweis lost a good friend and a professor in forensic medicine, Jakob Kolletschka. Kolletschka died due to an infection he suffered while conducting an autopsy. His death paved the way for Semmelweis to find the reason for the mysterious deaths in the maternity ward.
The doctors in the ward were performing autopsies - and then they delivered babies as part of their routine. The doctors did not wash their hands in between. The cadaverous particles from the autopsy then entered the mothers’ wombs when the doctors were delivering the babies. (Can you imagine?!)
Semmelweis insisted that the doctors should wash their hands with chlorinated lime solution before treating patients and delivering babies so that they do not spread infection.
One would think that the community would have listened to this advice and hailed the man - Alas it was not to be! Semmelweis was shamed and ridiculed for his discovery. He was sacked from the hospital. This took a toll on Semmelweis. He was depressed and spent his last days in solitary confinement.
Semmelweis’ discovery was embraced 20 years after, as the germ theory of disease. Sadly he was not there to receive any credit for this discovery. He was never to know the impact of his contribution to medicine.
Semmelweis was an unsung hero. Like many others we will likely never hear of.
People like Semmelweis have contributed far more to the advancement of human lives than the rulers who are in our books for winning wars. But that is perhaps the lesson. To learn to be grateful; but to give and keep giving, and not expect anything in return. We might not make it to the history books, but we don’t need to.
The frequent rains falling on earth hold our ecosystem together. Living organisms thrive because of rain, but sometimes it annoys people for ruining their schedule. If the rain reacts to the scorns of the people, it cannot do its job.
We grow by giving - whether people are grateful for it or not. Whether we receive credit or not.
To give and expect nothing in return - is therefore not merely an ideal to live up to. It is a smart way of life to avoid disappointment when you don’t receive credit. It is also to learn to give for the sake of giving.
Acknowledging Anne-Laure Le Cunff for sharing Semmelweis’ story. Do follow her on Twitter!
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