The one thing to do when facing a setback in your life -

Well, hello everyone! It’s so good to finally write something after quite a long break. Taking a break is good, but getting back to routine is better, right? This unusual break also calls for a reflection. So, today, I’ll share with you my thoughts about taking back control - after experiencing a setback in your life.

Part of me wants to start this by saying how babies get up every time they fall down until one day they can walk properly. But let’s face it, when you are the one on the receiving end of the failure, what you experience is far from pleasant. People with the best of intentions might say the next time it’s going to be better, but it is your life that is on the line. At that point, all the metaphors about babies and butterflies are too cliché.

There are visibly two things a person can do when faced with a setback: to keep going or to quit. But there is also a third element at play: to take control of your mind. The third element is so important that you need to latch onto it irrespective of whether you are going to keep going or give up. Why, you ask? Let me explain it better.

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Think of an instance when you had a setback in your life. The time when you couldn’t get through an exam, pass an interview or win a match. Think of the time when you let someone down. Recall how you felt. Did you feel upset and lost, not knowing what to do next, and wanted to take a break from the life around you?

Or did you feel worthless, that you couldn’t do it while your friend easily aced it? Did you get angry at yourself for being a failure?

Notice how different the two sets of reactions are. Feeling upset and lost is awful, but they are very common when you face a setback. They are temporary. You feel better with time as you gain more clarity.

But the second set of feelings are toxic. They are utter lies that put you down. They are the nasty whispers of Gollum in the darkest of nights. They may appear to be temporary, but can gradually consume you. This is why it is important to observe your feelings and take control of your mind regardless of what you do next.

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Babies learning to walk will not get tired of falling down. Unfortunately, we don’t remain the same once we become adults. We become more conscious and are afraid of being judged for failures. We don’t want to show our vulnerabilities to the world.

Let me break this process down further: Every time you face a setback, our mind perceives an imaginary wall at the point where you failed. Let’s call it the resistance. The next time you face the wall again, you are conscious of what happened previously. If you let your mind overwhelm with the memories of previous setback, you are in fact letting the resistance get stronger and stronger. As you can imagine, your fear feeds into this vicious cycle creating more walls each time you approach your goal.

Conquering your fear then is up to you. Will you look forward to it as a challenge upon yourself and conquer, or consider it a nightmare and run away as far as you could?

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I am not saying to keep going no matter what. There are times when you should fight with force to break all the resistances. At other times, you may want to assess rationally if you should quit. Ultimately it is for you to decide. But before that, make sure you have the control of your mind in the first place - that you have not let failures consume you. Taking control of your mind saves you from taking a hasty decision based on emotions. Give yourself the space and time you need to process the setback, reflect and decide on the course of action.

Let your decision be guided by reason and not illusion.